i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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