Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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