Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
