you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
