I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
