am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
