I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
