I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
