I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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