i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
