chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
