Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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