So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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