Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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