two words: eviction party
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
