cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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