I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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