Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I supernannyed him into submission
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
