There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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