Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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