For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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