I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
