meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
