I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize