'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
tell me about the eggs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize