i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I love having hate sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
