I wish I could teleport
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
