I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
