He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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