Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So vagazzling was a success
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
