I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
