apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
