Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
