nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
