And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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