my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
