I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
