i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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