dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
