There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
