It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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