Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This house was built for laser tag.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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