wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
