I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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