Your dad touched me again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
