apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
