I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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