i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
