And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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