He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
