I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
