I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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