I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
