12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize