I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i think i have herpe
just one?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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