Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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