I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
