By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?