He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.