dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"