it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
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He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.