I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
