I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!